Are you a witless cretin with no reason to live? Would you like to know more about every piece of knowledge ever? Do you have cash? Then congratulations, because just in time for the death of the print industry as we know it comes the final book ever published, and the only one you will ever need: The Onion's compendium of all things known.

Israel Bond may seem like a simple-if-sexy salesman for Mother Margolies’ Old World Chicken Soup, but when the Holy Land needs his skills – his quickness with a pun, his second-to-none semitic seduction techniques, and (if absolutely necessary) his abilities at actual espionage – then the man known by the code name Oy-Oy-7 (licensed not only to kill, but to say prayers over the corpse) does what needs to be done. Whether sneaking matzoh under the Iron Curtain, competing in a life-and-death game of La Guerre, battling the agents of TUSH, or having intimate encounters with such seductive beauties as adventuress Sarah Lawrence of Arabia, Xerox’s mistress of reproduction Kopy Katz, and Sister Sweetcakes the Swinging Nun, Oy-Oy-7’s life may be crazy, but never boring.

What the crap is Arnold Schwarzenegger doing on the cover of Rico Slade's book? This is Rico Slade's goddamn book. Rico Slade is not a bodybuilder, an actor, or a governor. Rico Slade is an action hero.

Wide-eyed« takes place on a company teambuilding trip to a small island off the coast of Denmark. Quiet, withdrawn Iben is deeply devoted to Camilla, who recently moved to Copenhagen, got a job and is flirting with the boss. When Iben "accidentally" ends up going on the trip, too, it's the last straw for Camilla.